Yesterday, I was browsing through Facebook and saw a notification on Facebook.
There were pictures of me and people I met the first weeks I met in the US. I surely miss the scene, the trees, the weather and everything.
But what surprised me was the time. It says 3 years ago.
3 YEARS
I didn't realize it's been that long. It feels just like yesterday, it was all so clear to me. I could still smell the grass, our conversations, where we went on the road trip.
I guess I'm never ready to let this go, or I have never come back at all.
It's like Madagascar the movie. They went to forests, jungles, where they really belong. By the time they have finally made it back to the zoo, everything felt different.
The world isn't the same anymore. They have tasted something better, something more attractive.
Everything they thought they had was no longer what they need.
Taiwan isn't my need anymore.
My heart isn't here anymore. I see things differently now, so are my feelings.
But this is never my mom, negative, passive, whiny is all her. I used to be that, too. But I'm trying so hard to get rid of that, to be the better version of myself.
Somehow to her it's stupid. I honestly don't know how she got here. I was there with her when she went through the worst of her life.
I made it, but she didn't. What do I do to help her?
Is there nothing else I could do for myself?
Do I have to be so obedient? What would happen if I disobey?
Will I lose my mom forever? Will I risk my family?
Is that what it takes to get what I want?
Do I must sacrifice something?
Will I ever be forgiven?
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